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18 January, 2019

LIFTING THE VEIL SHROUDING MALE DOMESTIC EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE: DR. OLASENI MATTHEW GANSALLO, AFRICA GROUP INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY COORDINATOR




For the most part, men throughout our global village who have been on the receiving end of domestic emotional and physical abuse have been extremely reluctant to report it or seek help.  As a result, the incidence of male domestic emotional and physical abuse is underreported.  Why have many Men who are victims of domestic physical and emotional elected not to report it to authorities or seek help?   Fear of being stigmatized or that their story will not be believed by authorities. This fear is underscored by the fact that an overwhelming lack of support exists for male victims of domestic emotional and physical abuse.   In an online article published on 15 September 2018 by The BBC News (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news) entitled, “Male Domestic Abuse: Not Enough Support For Victims, Says Charity”, The Mankind Initiative (https://www.mankind.org/uk) which helps Men escape abuse, pointed out that while one-third of domestic abuse victims are male, only 0.8% of refuge beds were reserved for them.    Mr. Mark Brooks who serves as spokesperson for The Mankind Initiative stated:

“While more victims are beginning to come forward, a failure to ensure a basic level of support across the country will fail those men and, of course, fail their children where  they are involved.”

According to the organization which is calling for dedicated support for male victims of domestic physical and emotional abuse, pointed out that these souls must travel more than 150 miles away from their home to get the help and support they need.

          The plight of men who are victims of domestic emotional and physical abuse has not gone unnoticed by Men’s Issues Thought Leader and Africa Group Coordinator for International Men’s Day (http://www.usainternationalmensday.blgospot.com) by Dr. Olaseni Matthew Gansallo.  Dr. Gansallo, who serves as the Director of the highly acclaimed Young Graduates for Museums and Galleries at the British Museum in London in the United Kingdom, has lifted the veil shrouding domestic male abuse with the release of his groundbreaking literary work, "Men Who Suffer Emotional Abuse:  The Silent Suffering – A Guide To Help”  Dr. Gansallo arranged for his empowering book to be released on 19 November 2018 – International Men’s Day – a day observed by 86 nations that celebrates the contributions and sacrifices that Men make to families, communities, and society and inaugurated in November 1999 by Gender Issues Thought Leader, educator, and author Jerome Teelucksingh, Ph.D. in Trinidad and Tobago has moved male domestic abuse – and male emotional abuse, in particular, into the Global Men’s Issues Dialogue.  

How are men reacting to “Men Who Suffer Emotional Abuse:  The Silent Suffering – A Guide To Help”?  Dr. Gansallo who performed research and interviewed over 600 Men mostly in Britain and Nigeria who were victims of domestic emotional abuse over a three-year period had this to say:

 "Generally Men find it difficult to talk about emotions and from recent feedback, this book seems to have connected with many Men and Boys."

            Dr. Gansallo finds that his e-mail inbox is being flooded with feedback from readers of his empowering book as evidenced by an e-mail he received on 12 January 2019:

“Dear Matthew,

Hello from Margaret & David, your flight companions from London to Dubai on 3rd December 2018.

Hope you had a lovely Christmas with your family and may we wish you and yours a Happy, Healthy and Successful 2019.

I have taking the time to read your book you so kindly gave to us, (hope you didn’t get into trouble with your publishers), and I have found it enlightening, troubling and uncannily helpful regarding my own marital history.

How did you know, did you have an inclination that I might be one of those to whom you wrote your book? Whatever the reason you cannot realise how helpful it has been.

I served in the Royal Navy and in 1975 I discovered, by a “Dear John” that my then wife had gone off with a mess deck colleague and taking my three boys with them. After the divorce in 1976 I was given ‘reasonable’ access, whatever that means, so easily manipulated.

I was told that the middle boy was wetting the bed when returning from being with me, their schooling was being affected, they were being bullied because the other kids were saying ‘why is your step dad’s surname different from yours?’ How would they know? The final straw was that I received a A3 deed poll document allowing the legal changing of their surname to the one I was cuckolded by and of course I consented because I believed, (wrongly as it happened), that the boys were being harmed.  Letters and birthday cards with money were never acknowledged and then they changed address without letting me know.

All this time I was serving at sea and ashore, I met a 19 year old girl and married her against a lot of advise not to, I was 34 at the time.  I know now that I was trying to restore my life to when I married my first wife. Within the space of a year she was off with an American sailor and even went to Denmark where his ship was next visiting. I got a letter from her with a very cryptic few words, “I think I have made a mistake”.  I foolishly took her back  and you can guess the rest, we were divorced within a year after she just couldn’t keep from straying and using my money to do it.

I met Margaret in 1980, she had also been through a very acrimonious divorce in 1977, although we were attracted to each other we were very very wary and didn’t marry until 1985.

I met up with my two eldest boys after 36 years, by now grown men and very successful, that was a relief because I was so concerned  that what their mother had done would have harmed them. The eldest is estranged from his Mother and the second eldest sees her very occasionally. The youngest was too young to really remember me although he has also been successful.

Regarding your book, the third and last paragraph on page 76 and paragraphs 1,2 and 5 on page 77 are particularly poignant and revealing and have helped me come to terms with my history, far more than before I read your book.

So, thank you Matthew, and if you have got this far with my emotional bullying saga, thank you also for taking the time, I sure you are a busy man.

I have found the writing of this email a very cathartic experience.

My very best wishes”


          To purchase your copy of “Men Who Suffer Emotional Abuse:  The Silent Suffering – A Guide to Help” contact the publisher, by sending an e-mail to: flointersch@gmail.com.

            To learn more about Dr. Gansallo’s groundbreaking work on Men’s Issues and domestic male emotional abuse, send an e-mail to:  mgansallo@yahoo.com.

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