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18 January, 2019

LIFTING THE VEIL SHROUDING MALE DOMESTIC EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE: DR. OLASENI MATTHEW GANSALLO, AFRICA GROUP INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY COORDINATOR




For the most part, men throughout our global village who have been on the receiving end of domestic emotional and physical abuse have been extremely reluctant to report it or seek help.  As a result, the incidence of male domestic emotional and physical abuse is underreported.  Why have many Men who are victims of domestic physical and emotional elected not to report it to authorities or seek help?   Fear of being stigmatized or that their story will not be believed by authorities. This fear is underscored by the fact that an overwhelming lack of support exists for male victims of domestic emotional and physical abuse.   In an online article published on 15 September 2018 by The BBC News (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news) entitled, “Male Domestic Abuse: Not Enough Support For Victims, Says Charity”, The Mankind Initiative (https://www.mankind.org/uk) which helps Men escape abuse, pointed out that while one-third of domestic abuse victims are male, only 0.8% of refuge beds were reserved for them.    Mr. Mark Brooks who serves as spokesperson for The Mankind Initiative stated:

“While more victims are beginning to come forward, a failure to ensure a basic level of support across the country will fail those men and, of course, fail their children where  they are involved.”

According to the organization which is calling for dedicated support for male victims of domestic physical and emotional abuse, pointed out that these souls must travel more than 150 miles away from their home to get the help and support they need.

          The plight of men who are victims of domestic emotional and physical abuse has not gone unnoticed by Men’s Issues Thought Leader and Africa Group Coordinator for International Men’s Day (http://www.usainternationalmensday.blgospot.com) by Dr. Olaseni Matthew Gansallo.  Dr. Gansallo, who serves as the Director of the highly acclaimed Young Graduates for Museums and Galleries at the British Museum in London in the United Kingdom, has lifted the veil shrouding domestic male abuse with the release of his groundbreaking literary work, "Men Who Suffer Emotional Abuse:  The Silent Suffering – A Guide To Help”  Dr. Gansallo arranged for his empowering book to be released on 19 November 2018 – International Men’s Day – a day observed by 86 nations that celebrates the contributions and sacrifices that Men make to families, communities, and society and inaugurated in November 1999 by Gender Issues Thought Leader, educator, and author Jerome Teelucksingh, Ph.D. in Trinidad and Tobago has moved male domestic abuse – and male emotional abuse, in particular, into the Global Men’s Issues Dialogue.  

How are men reacting to “Men Who Suffer Emotional Abuse:  The Silent Suffering – A Guide To Help”?  Dr. Gansallo who performed research and interviewed over 600 Men mostly in Britain and Nigeria who were victims of domestic emotional abuse over a three-year period had this to say:

 "Generally Men find it difficult to talk about emotions and from recent feedback, this book seems to have connected with many Men and Boys."

            Dr. Gansallo finds that his e-mail inbox is being flooded with feedback from readers of his empowering book as evidenced by an e-mail he received on 12 January 2019:

“Dear Matthew,

Hello from Margaret & David, your flight companions from London to Dubai on 3rd December 2018.

Hope you had a lovely Christmas with your family and may we wish you and yours a Happy, Healthy and Successful 2019.

I have taking the time to read your book you so kindly gave to us, (hope you didn’t get into trouble with your publishers), and I have found it enlightening, troubling and uncannily helpful regarding my own marital history.

How did you know, did you have an inclination that I might be one of those to whom you wrote your book? Whatever the reason you cannot realise how helpful it has been.

I served in the Royal Navy and in 1975 I discovered, by a “Dear John” that my then wife had gone off with a mess deck colleague and taking my three boys with them. After the divorce in 1976 I was given ‘reasonable’ access, whatever that means, so easily manipulated.

I was told that the middle boy was wetting the bed when returning from being with me, their schooling was being affected, they were being bullied because the other kids were saying ‘why is your step dad’s surname different from yours?’ How would they know? The final straw was that I received a A3 deed poll document allowing the legal changing of their surname to the one I was cuckolded by and of course I consented because I believed, (wrongly as it happened), that the boys were being harmed.  Letters and birthday cards with money were never acknowledged and then they changed address without letting me know.

All this time I was serving at sea and ashore, I met a 19 year old girl and married her against a lot of advise not to, I was 34 at the time.  I know now that I was trying to restore my life to when I married my first wife. Within the space of a year she was off with an American sailor and even went to Denmark where his ship was next visiting. I got a letter from her with a very cryptic few words, “I think I have made a mistake”.  I foolishly took her back  and you can guess the rest, we were divorced within a year after she just couldn’t keep from straying and using my money to do it.

I met Margaret in 1980, she had also been through a very acrimonious divorce in 1977, although we were attracted to each other we were very very wary and didn’t marry until 1985.

I met up with my two eldest boys after 36 years, by now grown men and very successful, that was a relief because I was so concerned  that what their mother had done would have harmed them. The eldest is estranged from his Mother and the second eldest sees her very occasionally. The youngest was too young to really remember me although he has also been successful.

Regarding your book, the third and last paragraph on page 76 and paragraphs 1,2 and 5 on page 77 are particularly poignant and revealing and have helped me come to terms with my history, far more than before I read your book.

So, thank you Matthew, and if you have got this far with my emotional bullying saga, thank you also for taking the time, I sure you are a busy man.

I have found the writing of this email a very cathartic experience.

My very best wishes”


          To purchase your copy of “Men Who Suffer Emotional Abuse:  The Silent Suffering – A Guide to Help” contact the publisher, by sending an e-mail to: flointersch@gmail.com.

            To learn more about Dr. Gansallo’s groundbreaking work on Men’s Issues and domestic male emotional abuse, send an e-mail to:  mgansallo@yahoo.com.

15 January, 2019

USA INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY TEAM REMEMBERS NOBEL PEACE PRIZE LAUREATE AND AMERICAN CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT LEADER DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. ON HIS 90TH BIRTHDAY -- 15 JANUARY 2019




                On this day, the thoughts of the United States International Men’s Day Team are on the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.  Had he lived, Thought Leader, Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, and American Civil Rights Leader Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would have celebrated his 90th birthday today – Tuesday, 15 January 2019.  Assassinated on Thursday, 4 April 1968 in Memphis, Tennessee at the age of 39, during his brief existence on this space and place we know as Planet Earth, Dr. King inspired souls in the United States and nations around the world to transcend boundaries.  He reminded us of the obligation that was imbued upon each of us at the time we emerged from the womb  -- the obligation to transcend and transform the environment we were born into as he provided powerful life lessons about “unarmed truth”, “the power of love”, “connectedness”,  “faith” , “creating uncertainty in an uncertain world”,  and “breaking one’s silence in the midst of injustice”.

            On 10 December 1964, Dr. King accepted the Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo, Norway and delivered a powerful acceptance speech (https://www.nobelprize.org/prizes/peace/1964/king/ 26142-martin-luther-king-jr-acceptance-speech-1964/) which reminded the world in 1964 as it continues to remind the world in 2019 about what really matters in Life and how each of us can create certainty in an uncertain world:

I accept this award today with an abiding faith in America and an audacious faith in the future of mankind. I refuse to accept despair as the final response to the ambiguities of history. I refuse to accept the idea that the "isness" of man's present nature makes him morally incapable of reaching up for the eternal "oughtness" that forever confronts him.



I refuse to accept the idea that man is mere flotsom and jetsom in the river of life unable to influence the unfolding events which surround him. I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality.



I refuse to accept the cynical notion that nation after nation must spiral down a militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right temporarily defeated is stronger than evil triumphant.



I believe that even amid today's motor bursts and whining bullets, there is still hope for a brighter tomorrow. I believe that wounded justice, lying prostrate on the blood-flowing streets of our nations, can be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men.



I have the audacity to believe that peoples everywhere can have three meals a day for their bodies, education and culture for their minds, and dignity, equality and freedom for their spirits. I believe that what self-centered men have torn down, men other-centered can build up. I still believe that one day mankind will bow before the altars of God and be crowned triumphant over war and bloodshed, and nonviolent redemptive goodwill will proclaim the rule of the land.



"And the lion and the lamb shall lie down together and every man shall sit under his own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid."



I still believe that we shall overcome.



This faith can give us courage to face the uncertainties of the future. It will give our tired feet new strength as we continue our forward stride toward the city of freedom. When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds and our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, we will know that we are living in the creative turmoil of a genuine civilization struggling to be born.



Today I come to Oslo as a trustee, inspired and with renewed dedication to humanity. I accept this prize on behalf of all men who love peace and brotherhood. I say I come as a trustee, for in the depths of my heart I am aware that this prize is much more than an honor to me personally.



Every time I take a flight I am always mindful of the many people who make a successful journey possible -- the known pilots and the unknown ground crew.

So you honor the dedicated pilots of our struggle who have sat at the controls as the freedom movement soared into orbit. You honor, once again, Chief (Albert) Luthuli of South Africa, whose struggles with and for his people, are still met with the most brutal expression of man's inhumanity to man.



You honor the ground crew without whose labor and sacrifices the jet flights to freedom could never have left the earth.



Most of these people will never make the headlines and their names will not appear in Who's Who. Yet when years have rolled past and when the blazing light of truth is focused on this marvelous age in which we live -- men and women will know and children will be taught that we have a finer land, a better people, a more noble civilization -- because these humble children of God were willing to suffer for righteousness' sake.



I think Alfred Nobel would know what I mean when I say that I accept this award in the spirit of a curator of some precious heirloom which he holds in trust for its true owners -- all those to whom beauty is truth and truth beauty -- and in whose eyes the beauty of genuine brotherhood and peace is more precious than diamonds or silver or gold.


13 January, 2019

2018 INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY L.T. HENRY AWARD RECIPIENTS ANNOUNCED BY UNITED STATES INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY TEAM




          Inaugurated by JEROME TEELUCKSINGH, PH.D., the Founder of International Men’s Day, the International Men’s Day L.T. HENRY Award acknowledges individuals, institutions, and organizations who help to improve the manner in which our global village addresses the key challenges (e.g., poverty, ethnic and religious intolerance, homelessness, hunger, Fatherlessness, Mass Incarceration, recidivism, education, physical and mental health, violence, and real-life options) that prevent Men and Boys from reaching their full potential and empowering the communities in which they live and work.   The award is named after the late MR. L.T. HENRY, the architect of IN SEARCH OF FATHERHOOD® which facilitates a Global Dialogue on Fatherhood and Men’s Issues and the mentor of United States International Men’s Day Coordinator Diane A. Sears.  MR. HENRY envisioned a world in which Men throughout our global village would transcend the boundaries of religion, language, ethnicity, politics, class, economics, and culture to collaboratively address the myriad of unique issues which are directly and indirectly related to raising children from a male perspective.   The USA International Men’s Day Team is seeking nominations of individuals, institutions, and organizations as candidates for the International Men’s Day L.T. HENRY Award.


           The United States International Men’s Day Team extends its congratulations to the following recipients of the 2018 International Men’s Day L.T. HENRY Award: 

 
AUSTRALIA

Restorative Justice Award – Certificate of Recognition
Honorable Uncle Alfred Smallwood
Elder – Birriguba Nation

CANADA

Men’s Studies Award – Certificate of Recognition
David Hatfield

JORDAN

Criminal Justice Award – Certificate of Recognition
Abdullah al Nasser

NIGERIA

Arts and Culture Award – Certificate of Recognition
Dr. Olaseni Matthew Gansallo

TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO

Public Policy Award – Certificate of Recognition
Donald Berment

Global Citizen Award – Certificate of Recognition
Jerome Teelucksingh, Ph.D.

UNITED STATES

Massachusetts

Transcending Boundaries Award – Certificate of Recognition
Alvin F. Poussaint, M.D.

New York

Communications Award – Certificate of Recognition
Jeffrey Jackson

Healing And Repatriation Award – Certificate of Recognition
Carry Greaves

Men’s Health Award – Certificate of Recognition
Glenville Ashby, Ph.D.

Pennsylvania

Economic Sustainability Award – Certificate of Recognition
Honorable Minister Alif Allah

Education Award – Certificate of Recognition
David P. Hardy

Fatherhood Award – Certificate of Recognition
Leonard Dantzler

Humanitarian Award – Certificate of Recognition
House of Umoja, Inc.

Mentorship Award – Certificate of Recognition
S. Archye Leacock

05 January, 2019

INCARCERATED YOUNG MEN SPEAK OUT AT NEW YORK'S ULSTER CORRECTIONAL FACILITY'S 2018 INTERNATIONAL MEN' S DAY OBSERVANCE



On 19 November 2018, Mr. Carry Greaves, the National Chair of the United States' International Men's Day "Healing And Repatriation" Initiative conducted a powerful two-part observance of International Men's Day at the Ulster Correctional Facility located in Naponoch, New York.  Mr. Greaves gathered together two groups of young men between the ages 18 through 26 and engaged them in a “straight-no chaser” dialogue which will help these young souls begin to positively transform their lives. The International Men's Day "Healing And Repatriation" Initiative was created in 2012 when it discovered that Incarcerated Men were not provided with an opportunity to observe International Men's Day.   Under this initiative, observances of International Men's Day take the form of atonement programs, mentoring workshops, and solutions-based panel discussions and forums which are designed by Mr. Greaves.  A thought-provoking and riveting account of the International Men’s Day observance held at New York’s Ulster Correctional Facility penned by Mr. Greaves entitled, “International Men’s Day 2018:  A New Day” appears below.



INTERNATIONAL MEN’S DAY 2018:  A NEW DAY

BY:  Carry Greaves

[PUBLISHED WITH AUTHORS PERMISSION]



            This year’s International Men’s Day observance was conducted at the Ulster Correctional Facility located in Naponoch, New York and it was a great event.  I asked the young brothers to meet me in the recreational yard where the temperature was 33 degrees and it was slightly snowing.  I wanted them to get away from the distractions of being inside, watching television, and laying on their bunks.  I facilitated the observance of International Men’s Day with two groups of individuals ranging from the ages of 18 through 26.  One group had the floor from 6:40 P.M. to 8:00 P.M. and the second group had the floor from 8:15 P.M. to 9:30 P.M.  What I realized is that so many of these young brothers need proper guidance and someone to show them that they care.  I gave all of them an assignment to undertake after the session.  They all had to be a big brother to the younger souls in this correctional facility with whom they have a friendship.  They were required to write a Letter of Apology to someone close in their family and explain to them what they plan to do with their life once they are released.  It was a commitment that they could not break.  And I had a younger member of the group record notes of the sessions.



PART ONE

CARRY:  So, how is everybody doing? 

 [Everyone responded that they felt great.]

I asked everyone to come together tonight because today is not only International Men’s Day and I have already explained what International Men’s Day means, but also because I wanted you to know that we are in a state of emergency.  Each and every one of us needs to step up and bring the change that we all need.  We need to take responsibility for our actions and stop shifting the blame to someone else.  So I want to start by asking, ‘How many are doing more than five years?

[Every hand went up.]

That’s a lot of time.  Being in prison for a day is a long time.  So what are you going to do with the five plus years that you will have to do?  Chris, let’s start with you. 

CHRIS:  My counselor told me that I will have to take an Aggression Class because my crime is considered violent.  I shot someone.  So, that’s what I have to do.

CARRY:  Even though you’re mandated to take the Aggression Class, you have to involve yourself with something positive that will enhance your life. The Aggression Class is only for five weeks.  If you don’t have a GED, you will have to go to school.  But each and every one of you needs to engage in groups like this that will be conducive to your growth and development.

CHRIS:  I agree. But sometimes I just want to do what I want to do.

CARRY:  What you fail to understand is that you’re in a different environment.  Somebody else’s house.  So, you have to study the rules of engagement and learn how to navigate the trouble in here.  Because it’s so easy to get in trouble.

CHRIS:  I understand.

CARRY:  I hope you do because this place can break you down if you don’t have a strong will power and discipline.  Now, how many of you are in a gang?  And don’t be afraid to be real about it.

MIKE:  I am going to keep it real.  I’m in a gang.

CARRY:  So tell me the reason why you’re in a gang.

[There is silence for about two minutes.]

CHRIS:  I don’t even know why.

CARRY:  You see, that’s a big problem.  You’re following the orders of someone who you probably don’t truly know and who probably doesn’t really care about you.  This is sad because you could end up doing something senseless and really bad that will bring you to prison for the rest of your life -- far away from your family.  You’re only nineteen years old.  And if you don’t change your life right now, you are going to be in deep trouble – trouble that you will regret.  Trust me.  I want you to think about your family, your mother, especially.  How do you think she is going to feel?  You need to wake up!

SHAWN:  I’m not in a gang, but I did hang around the wrong people.  And I see what you’re talking about. This is my first time in prison and to keep it real, I am a little scared.   I heard of all the war stories before I came here.  I’m young too and I know that I need to change.

CARRY:  Now that’s real.  Don’t continue to disgrace your Ancestors by constantly doing the wrong thing.  When all of your so-called friends disappear, who is going to be there for you?  Your mother.  When you get into trouble, who is the first person you are going to call?  Your mother. When you go on the visit to see your family, ninety-nine percent of all visitors are women.  So you need to be careful of who you call a friend.  Get yourself together and make no excuses.

SHAWN: Thanks.

JAY:  That’s real.  I want to say something.  I think if we had more positive men in our communities, things would be different.  I’m originally from New Jersey and I came to New York and got in trouble.  So I don’t have family here.  It’s hard because my mother is the only one I have and she is taking care of my little brother and sister.  But I try to talk to her every day and let her know that I’m alright.

CARRY:  You’re not alright.  You could never be alright being in an abnormal environment like this.  But you have to find a constructive way to heal.  You could pray.   Go to religious services and support groups.  Meditate.  Surround yourself with healthy, positive people.

JAY:  That’s why I am going to hang around you.

[Everyone laughs.]

CARRY:  That’s okay, but I am going to tell you something.  I have zero tolerance for foolishness.  I’m strict with a lot of things.  You can’t indulge or be using drugs.  No cursing or using foul language.  No pants off your waist or hanging around the wrong people.

T.J.:  You’ re stricter than my mom, but I could respect that.  I thought about what you said and all I kept saying to myself was that I don’t’ want to spend my life in prison.  I know that I need to wake up and I’m trying.

CARRY:  You have to take a serious look at your life and find the areas that need to be worked on.  Don’t get caught up with the materialistic world.   Focus on becoming a better person.  Make your mother proud.  Make yourself proud.  Don’t take the small things for granted.  Appreciate what you have.  And never give up on becoming a better person, because when you get older you are going to appreciate it.  Believe me.

T.J. :  I am going to start hanging around you, too.

CARRY:  You are funny. But seriously, after tonight I need for you to begin stepping forward to become that example of change.  It’s not an overnight process.  But you have to start somewhere.  I gave an assignment to each of you and every one of you and I expect for it to get done.  No excuses!  Matter of fact, the deadline is in two days.

[A comment of “Two days” could be heard coming from the group.]

CARRY:  Somebody’s complaining already?  Now if you have an issue with writing, I’ll help you.  And I want you to take someone younger than you – even though you’re young yourselves – and give them words of encouragement.  This is a little-brother-big-brother thing.  And guess who is the Big Brother?

CHRIS:   Me.

CARRY:  Good try, but I’m your Big Brother and I will help you along the way.  I know earlier everyone told me that they didn’t have their fathers in their lives and that you have issues with him.  But let me share something with you.  You have no idea what prompted your Father to be out of your lives.  Don’t go cursing him out.  What you should do is find a way to get in contact with him if you can and arrange to meet him.  Give him a chance.  But don’t assume anything and always keep in mind that your mother did the very best she could do.  She didn’t abandon you.  So be grateful for that.

CHRIS:  The bad part from what I hear is that the older guys today don’t want to take the time to teach us.  This is why a lot of us are doing the wrong things.  Even the old timers in my community act like they are teenagers.  So there is no one to teach us.  So what do we do?  We join gangs and do crazy stuff.

CARRY:  I understand.  And this is a problem.  But I will tell you this, if you want to do the right thing, then do the right thing.  Don’t be afraid or ashamed to do what’s right.  What I see and hear is that many of today’s youths are concerned with what their friends will say if they decide to do right in school, go to college, find a job, not join gangs or do drugs.  But if you are concerned with that, then you will never grow into what you want to become.  I’ve learned so much by listening.  And this is what you need to do.  Listen to the right things.  If your mother is motivating you to do the right thing, don’t resist.  There is a reason why she is saying what she says.  So, how do you feel about your family?

T.J.:  I love my family.  But sometimes I do think about what my family would be like if my Father was around.  Would I be in jail?

SHAWN:  I think about that, too.  But I wish we were closer.  And that’s something that bothers me sometimes.

JAY:  I grew up mostly with my aunts and Grandmother.  Mostly women.  My Father is still young, so he never was there for me really.  I get mad because he wasn’t a real father.  But I’m a man now and I don’t even care no more.

CARRY:  Wrong attitude! And to be honest with you, you’re not even a man yet.  Being a man is an ongoing process.  Not because you’re eighteen or twenty-one years old.  That doesn’t make you a man.  You have a long way to go and you need to start working on your attitude and how you’re thinking.  If you keep walking around being angry at your Father not being there, then you will never be able to grow into becoming what a man is.  And that is someone who thinks.  Someone who cares about humanity.  Someone who is not selfish.  Someone who is respectful, truthful, honest, and loving.  These are just a few to name.  Me and you will have a talk after this is over.  But all of us will meet tomorrow night and share our hearts.  I am going to speak with the other young brothers before the night is over, so I will see you all tomorrow.

PART TWO

CARRY:  As everyone knows, today is International Men’s Day.  And we should applaud those how made this happen – Dr. Jerome Teelucksingh, the Founder of International Men’s Day and Ms. Diane Sears, who is our United States Coordinator.  So without them and their hard work and dedication, today wouldn’t be possible. So, let’s give applause for these two.

[Applause]

CARRY:  Thank you.  I just had a great conversation with the other group and I want to thank Les for taking notes.  I appreciate it.  Let’s begin. What do you feel is the problem with the family structure of today?

ERIC:  Everybody is caught up with the latest fashion and less concerned with family.

FRANK:  It’s crazy.  Everybody is hating each other.  Fighting over money . . . over drugs.  It’s just crazy.

CARRY:  I don’t want anyone to hold back.  Give us what you honestly feel.  Being that we all know each other, there is no need to be shy.  So, let’s go.

ERIC:  It seems like everybody is doing drugs and pills and trying to be somebody they’re not.

BILL:  I agree with everybody.  No one cares.  I know we are in New York, but look at what’s happening in Chicago with all these people dying every day.  The world is in trouble.

CARRY:  Wow!  There’s so much going on right now and I couldn’t agree more.  But I believe we need to put aside our hatred and dislike for each other and work together to make a change in ourselves first.  This is where it’s most needed.  You can’t work on somebody else or extend yourself to someone else if your house is not in order.  And if you are hating someone else, the problem is you, not the other person.  So we have to start with self.

WAYNE:  This is what I was telling Eric and Bill the other day.  So, that’s true.

CARRY:  So, you’re doing your job.  And that’s empowering others.

[Carry stops the conversation and calls out T.J. from the other group who is sitting in front of a television and tells him that he needs to be with the other guys developing a Plan of Action for Change.  T.J  listens and joins the other group.]

CARRY:  Excuse me, but I take this very seriously.  We have no time to be playing games.  People all over the world are suffering and we need to help in any way that we can.  Anyway, can anyone tell me what they believe needs to be created to help our communities come out of the condition that they are in?

FRANK:  I think we need more libraries in our communities.  I believe that could help.

WAYNE:  We need gang prevention programs.  It seems like everybody is in some type of gang.  I don’t want my little brothers to join any gangs.  I would be so mad.

CARRY:  So what are you doing to prevent them from joining a gang?

WAYNE:  I’m always telling them about the consequences of being in a gang.  I’m changing and I will be that walking example for them.

CARRY:  That’s great! So where do we go from here?

BILL:  I want to be a teacher.  Maybe in business because that’s something that I enjoy reading about.

CARRY:  Anything is possible.  You will just have to study all that you can in regards to that field and always have a Plan B just in case things don’t work out.  So just because you’re incarcerated doesn’t mean you can’t go to college.  Be all that you want to be.  Don’t let anyone discourage you. 

ERIC:  I would like to have more days like today where we can get together and share our ideas.  But I do want to get into designing.

FRANK:  I want to be a mechanic because I’m good with my hands.  When I get out, I’m going to work with my uncle who has a small mechanic shop.

CARRY:  So, tell me – what values did your family instill in you?

FRANK:  Not to disrespect myself or my Elders.  Something that I haven’t always done.  I’m trying to do better.

BILL:  It’s crazy because people in my family always told the young ones not to ever do drugs.  But I didn’t listen.  I got caught up and lost in the streets and now I’m in prison.

CARRY:  Realize that you have the opportunity to start brand new.  But you have to start now.  Not when you get home.  You have to come out better. Show yourself that you’ve become a better person.  And that goes for everyone.  Never go back to your old ways because that’s what brought you here.  So make a pledge with yourself that this will be your last time coming to places like this.  And this group will also have homework to do.  I want you to write a letter of encouragement to someone younger in your family.  And before you send it off, I want to read it to make sure it’s right.  As a matter of fact, I want two pages written.  So take your time and the deadline is in seven days from today.  So, that’s next week – Friday, the twenty-third.  I wish we had more time, but we are about to go back.  But I want to thank everyone for coming out and getting together to make this happen.  Now, everyone, give a hug to each other.  And I’ll see you all later. 


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30 December, 2018

ENDING THE SILENCE ON MALE EMOTIONAL ABUSE; SUICIDE; AND DEPRESSION: JANUARY 2019 -- GLOBAL MEN AND BOYS EMOTIONAL HEALTH MONTH






CONTACT:

Diane A. Sears

USA Coordinator – International Men’s Day (http://www.usainternationalmensday.blogspot.com)

E-Mail: insearchoffatherhood@gmail.com



            We share this space and place we know as Planet Earth with 3,868,005,439 souls who are Males – Men and Boys.  These souls are Our Sons, Fathers, StepFathers, GrandFathers, Great GrandFathers, Uncles, Brothers, Nephews, Cousins, Husbands, Significant Others, Friends, Co-Workers, and Neighbors.  They constitute 50.4% of our Planet’s current population of 7,668,408,940 souls.  Many of these 3,868,005,439 souls are spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally wounded. According to the World Health Organization (www.who.int), close to 800,000 suicides occur annually and three (3) out of every four (4) suicides is committed by a male.  There are males walking among us who are victims of domestic emotional abuse perpetrated by their spouse or partner.
          For a variety of reasons, Men who are victims of emotional abuse are reluctant to report it to authorities and to seek help from mental health care professionals and providers.  Some resort to suicide to end their excruciating spiritual, psychological, and emotional pain.  Others suffer in silence as they slowly descend into the deep dark abyss of depression or self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, sex, or work to numb their pain.  Depressed, suicidal, and spiritually, psychologically, and emotionally battered souls who are males are everywhere – in the United States, South America, Europe, Africa, Central America, the Caribbean, Australia, Asia, and Antartica – in our families, workplaces, and neighborhoods.  The silence surrounding male emotional abuse, suicide, and depression has been deafening.  Under the theme, “Ending The Silence On Male Emotional Abuse: Suicide; And Depression”, the International Men’s Day Team is utilizing January 2019:  Global Men And Boys Emotional Health Month as a vehicle to move institutions, organizations, and individuals throughout our world to address and resolve Male Emotional Abuse and the myriad of underlying causative factors of male suicide and male depression.    The International Men’s Day Africa Group Coordinator Mr. Olaseni Matthew Gansallo has penned a powerful literary work, “Men Who Suffer Emotional Abuse – The Silent Suffering: A Guide To Help”  that is launching a Global Dialogue on Male Emotional Abuse -- one of the causative factors of male suicide and male depression. 


              During January 2019:  Global Men And Boys Emotional Health Month under the theme, “Ending The Silence On Male Emotional Abuse; Suicide; And Depression” institutions, organizations, and individuals are encouraged to:

 Create Pathways for Emotional, Spiritual, and Psychological Healing For Men And Boys -- 

·         Rewrite the narrative on strength and masculinity by redefining strength.  Being strong is being vulnerable.  When a soul is vulnerable they are standing in front of another person spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically naked.  Only a strong person can and will allow themselves to be vulnerable and to ask for help.



·         All clinics and medical facilities in all communities  should be staffed with at least one (1) mental health professional who is sensitive to and can effectively address and resolve the unique psychological, emotional, and spiritual issues experienced by Men and Boys. 



·         Women must begin to engage the Men and Boys in their lives in a conversation – a real conversation – while engaging in active listening -- about their emotional, psychological, and spiritual reaction to disappointments, rejections, and perceived failures.    Ask questions:  “How was your day – what happened? How do you feel about what happened to you?  Are you happy?  Are you sad?   Do you feel numb?  How can I make things better for you?   What can I do to help you through the difficult time that you are going through?”    



·         Recognize the symptoms of mental, emotional, and spiritual distress which take the form of behavioral changes.   These behavioral changes could take the form of insomnia, excessive moodiness, loss of appetite, change in appearance – e.g., poor grooming and hygiene, and withdrawal. 



·         Develop and facilitate local, national, and global education and awareness campaigns and initiatives for emotional male abuse; male suicide; and male depression. 



Develop, Establish, and Maintain “Male-Friendly” Social Services

·         Establish and maintain “male-only” homeless shelters for men who are victims of domestic emotional male abuse.  Ideally, the homeless shelters would be staffed with mental health professionals who have specific training for and a level of sensitivity to the unique emotional, spiritual, and psychological needs of Men.   The homeless shelters would serve as a temporary lodging for emotionally abused males who are forced to leave their homes.  These shelters would assist these souls with, among other things, relocation; obtaining housing; career/job placements and training, etc. either directly or through referral services.



·         Design and implement a two-tiered mandatory psychological debriefing program for all males who have been incarcerated and their family members and loved ones for a mandatory minimum period of one (1) year would help to address and heal deeply embedded emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds created by years and decades of institutionalization.



      Let’s get the New Year – 2019 – off to a great start by ending the silence on Male Emotional Abuse; Male Suicide; and Male Depression!











LIFTING THE VEIL SHROUDING MALE DOMESTIC EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE: DR. OLASENI MATTHEW GANSALLO, AFRICA GROUP INTERNATIONAL MEN'S DAY COORDINATOR

For the most part, men throughout our global village who have been on the receiving end of domestic emotional and physical abuse have ...