THE BEAUTY AND DILEMMA OF FATHERHOOD: MS. GABRIELLE A. GRANT

It was a historic moment on Saturday, 20 June 2020. This was the First Global Virtual Fatherhood Summit in Observance of Father’s Day. It was hosted by Nigeria’s International Men’s Day and World Day of the Boy Child Coordinators, via Zoom, with participating countries from around the world. The theme was “The Fatherhood Dilemma in the 21^st Century- on the complexities of fatherhood in our contemporary societies, with a special focus on African Nations.” There was an exciting and knowledgeable panel of participants and organizations from various countries making contributions on very pertinent points. Some of the notable contributions were made by Elovi Initiative and Hpotoba from Nigeria, Pastor Paul Muhami from Kenya, Sam Aiku from Barbados, Mansraj Ramphal and Kwasi Cudjoe from Trinidad, Fabian Thomas from Jamaica, and Samuel Trejo from Mexico.

The meeting commenced with Kenya being celebrated for its twenty years of highlighting men’s issues through its support of International Men’s Day. Some of these issues were highlighted to exist globally as well as in the African context: drug addiction, imprisonment, suicide, domestic violence, presently the pandemic situation; and sexual assault and rape culture in the African context as it was noted that it was a crisis. It was reiterated that African communities, should empower men to become better fathers in creating spaces for them to express themselves in a positive way.

The responsibilities and duties of fathers were viewed as multifaceted and not limited to the traditional roles. This meant the role can involve many scenarios and dynamics of responsibility to the family. Often men face so much discrimination, misandry and vilification that good fathers are overlooked. Even women’s abuse of the various Domestic Violence laws in maliciousness towards men strip them of property, character, dignity and children. Contrary to popular belief, it was underscored that men can suffer postpartum depression, are suicidal in marriage breakdowns, or can experience temporary or permanent mental illness as a result of traumatic emotional events.

Interestingly, Father’s Day was first started by a woman in 1910 to honour her father who raised six children as a single parent, and it became official fifty-two years later. Undoubtedly, our fathers provide emotional support, guidance, resources and stability among other factors for their children and family. However, they are faced with challenges that go unnoticed. Men and fathers do not always communicate or may not know how to, and they are unable to cope with the changing world. Fathers should be able to establish eye contact, manage tone and facial expressions in interacting with their children as they in turn model what they observe. Communication was accentuated as the wealth of every family and men should be encouraged to express themselves to persons who would listen to them in a non-judgemental way. One way is in fostering men’s participation in men’s groups and acknowledging that men cannot share with their families what they do not have and sometimes turn to other mediums such as online platforms. The technological age was cited to pose distractions to men and boys despite other notable advancements, but fathers should not fail to institute fatherhood and discipline and encourage or facilitate more involvement aside from devices.

It was noted that in the past, men sat with boys and passed on valuable principles in a traditional way but in today’s context mothers and the society have been left to raise boys, emphasizing that boys have been expressing feelings of neglect and believe that more focus are on females and question their role, function and validity in society. Men should be encouraged to come together and share experiences and overcome the tendency to not open up. Mentorship is very important so boys would not repeat the mistakes of their fathers where one presenter indicated the perspective of viewing family like a business and involving everyone in it for it to be successful.

The concern of fathers being unaware of children they have fathered, or some not being involved even if they’re aware or those present physically but not engaged in the parenting process adds to the fatherhood dilemma. A relevant quote by George Herbert was shared by one of the speakers- “One father is more than a hundred school masters” indicating that a father has the strongest impact.

Use of language was noted, in how men and the concept of fatherhood is described and how it shapes perceptions and attitudes as in fathering versus babysitting or“father”which connotes involvement versus “dad” implying present and not involved. There was also a contribution giving insight on historical colonialism and the impact that it has had on fatherhood through slavery which was opposed to native languages, traditions and culture as colonial tendencies were considered superior. This position propagated the absence of men as it is known today due to the spread of HIV, migration and unemployment among other factors.

Even in the media through popular culture, characters can be emulated by children and the messages conveyed can impact their outcome negatively. Given that the dynamic of family has changed significantly and now include blended and non-traditional arrangements, in a fathers’ absence, children should have access to them. The rates of murder/suicide in the Caribbean context due to unfaithfulness and other family dynamics were highlighted to have increased. The world must promote raising and establishing healthier men through mentorship, communication, coping mechanism and expression of emotions. There should be bold collaboration to create and maintain more support and endorse space for healthier expression. In keeping with the theme of the virtual summit, all black lives matter and there was endorsement to overcome systemic and other types of racism through movements to educate such as the Black Fatherhood Project.

A long-standing issue has been of absent fathers and what rights they should access concerning children, where it was determined that an absent father should have access as long as it did not negatively affect the mother, children or family. It was reiterated, that regardless of the dynamic, a father’s presence impacts children emotionally and nurtures positive attributes in them. The presence of love in the family makes a significant difference and can be achieved through play, guidance and creating change to a hero’s journey for a strong and foundational family with great energy in the family interaction.

Fatherhood and parenting was posited to require a conscious and intentional approach through awareness of the present moment and recognizing that physical presence is presence in spirit and mind. Undisputedly, the best gift to a man is to become a father. Even in this time of a global pandemic, men are encouraged to bridge the gaps with each other, find a mentor and communicate with their children everyday where applicable through the use of technology.

This summit possessed a wealth of information and participants were able to relate to the various items discussed, as most have gone through personal experiences and are desirous of leaving a better legacy for their children and the world. It was not another online event but history in action. How will you contribute and continue shaping that history?