There is an epidemic in America and a gathering storm in Britain of men who are victims of emotional abuse from their spouses. Many men from Nigeria and other west African countries fall into the trap of vicious spouses they married ‘from home’ thinking they will have a more traditional valued marriage like their parents and away from the seemingly immoral attitudes of the West (and by traditional I do not mean controlling or abusive which is the misconception).
Many men in Britain and America walk around dazed, empty shells of themselves after they have been emotionally abused and their imported spouse have stripped them of all they have worked for many decades, by carefully "playing the system" of the laws in these countries and falsely accusing their deceived male spouses that brought them "over" of all types of domestic abuse and violence.
In these countries abroad the law has not recognised the deceit of these spouses, while others claim they have, but because of racial reasons, turn a blind eye to the atrocities of this fraud and leave the African man to suffer because they do not like him in their country. So year after year, month after month, many men are being emotionally abused through this marriage fraud.
So why are men so reluctant to admit and accept that they have been or are being emotionally abused? Why are they so ashamed to admit that they have been or are victims of "marriage fraud"? Not all men are so stupid to go into a marriage when they know the disastrous intent of deceitful spouses. Men are so scared of being ridiculed by others, men hardly talk to one another about their problems with their spouses for fear of being perceived as "weak". And, of course, men will never cry in public or to any one else for fear of being called a "big softie" and not a real man (whatever that is).
The formula is simple: Man goes home. Man marries wife. Husband brings the wife "over". Wife starts to work or go to a University. Husband pays all the bills and for wife's studies singlehandedly for years. Wife gets her British or American passport. Wife begins to emotionally abuse man. Wife begins to openly have affairs and go to night clubs without husband (emotional abuse). Wife calls police for man numerous times to build up a ‘history’ of molestation and abuse for the courts. Wife gets good job, applies for divorce. Court transfers all the man’s property to ex-wife. It does not matter if he has lived in the property for 50 years, all is given to her. Husband loses employment, moves into a small bedsit and ex-wife now moves her new lover into his home and bed, Husband has suffered severe emotional abuse, but bottles it all up.
And no one is saying anything about this flagrant injustice of men’s human rights. Now that there is no legal aid for family matters in Britain, a lot of deceitful spouses are capitalizing on the laws abroad that favors women. Some will comment: "It is a woman’s country" -- so this should be expected. No, it is not a woman’s country and it should not be accepted, because if Prince Charles becomes King of England tomorrow the domestic and marital laws that favor women now will not automatically change to favor men.
This is why spouses take advantage of men and abuse them emotionally, especially in a land they know they can play the legal system to their advantage. Men have no help. Our home countries and embassies will not give us legal aid because even though we are dual citizens, we succumb to the British legal system.
Should there not be a law of our land and home countries which will be set up to protect us from such vicious manipulative, British and American "passport hungry" spouses? Can our country do nothing? Should we not have human rights lawyers who will take up genuine cases in Britain and America and save our men from such wickedness? The British laws refuse to take into consideration the background of those spouses who commit the ‘love and marriage fraud’ just because they have British passports through a fraudulent marriage. Our human rights lawyers could be called in to do these checks and it will be obvious that deceit was at the core of the marriage and the false allegations of many spouses that were ‘brought over’. This should be passed on to the British and American courts and judges.
This suggestion might appear lofty and will take years to legally put in place. I am no legal expert. However failing that the names of these deceitful money hungry mostly poverty mentality spouses should be published and they should be named and shamed. Their families who sold their daughters to this form of fraud and silent prostitution should be named and shamed in all the national newspapers. At least than there will be a form of deterrent of this flagrant injustice delivered to innocent men who just wanted to start and have a family. We have to begin to talk now. Men will have to be encouraged to come out and speak out. To seek help and shed of the stereotypical alpha male attitude that belongs to the early 20th Century. Men have to be warned nationally and internationally. This emotional abuse of men for financial gain in countries abroad has to stop.
There is a storm brewing.
Who will bell the Cat?
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Mr. Matthew Gansallo is the International Men's Coordinator for the nation of Nigeria. Gansallo’s book ‘Men Who Suffer Domestic Emotional Abuse, The Silent Suffering. A Guide To Help" is scheduled for publication. To order a copy of the book, please email mgansallo@yahoo.com or aamcinternational@yahoo.com or call 011 080-5161-9466.
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