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30 October, 2008

A LOOK AT ALEC BALDWIN'S POWERFUL AND INSTRUCTIVE BOOK -- A PROMISE TO OURSELVES: A JOURNEY THROUGH FATHERHOOD AND DIVORCE

He is a frequent host of Saturday Night Live and a talented film, television and Broadway actor. He is ALEC BALDWIN who currently stars in NBC’s much-watched, highly acclaimed, award winning comedy series 30 Rock for which he received the 2007 Golden Globe, SAG and Television Critics Association Awards as “Best Actor In A Comedy”. Through his production company, El Dorado Pictures, MR. BALDWIN has produced films such as The Confession for Showtime which was the recipient of the Writers Guild Award for Best Original Screenplay and David Marnet’s State and Main. A graduate of New York University where he received a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree from the Tisch School Of The Arts, BALDWIN serves on the Board of Directors for the East Hampton Daycare Center, People For The American Way and the New York University Tisch School Of The Arts Dean’s Council and on the Advisory Board of the New York University/Brennan Center For Justice and the Carol M. Baldwin Breast Cancer Research Fund. Baldwin is a strong advocate of environmentalism, the government’s support of the arts, campaign finance reform, animal rights and gun control. And BALDWIN’s book which he co-wrote with MARK TABB, A Promise To Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood And Divorce, has endeared him to many – particularly, Divorced Fathers and Fathers’ Rights Advocates throughout our global village.

While Baldwin’s talent, success, and social activism attracts the attention of the media and paparazzi and the sometimes intrusive glare of public scrutiny, he is a man who has his head on straight and both feet firmly planted on the ground. What matters most to Baldwin is being a Dad. His daughter – Ireland – is the center of his universe. She is his heart and soul.

In A Promise To Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood And Divorce, Mr. Baldwin makes it clear that he believes that “the default position of every family court in this country should be fifty-fifty physical custody of the couple’s children”. The only exception he makes are in “commonly held objections that include spousal and/or child abuse, drug and/or alcohol abuse by a potential custodial parent, or a parent’s inability to provide a home for children for any number of economic or emotional reasons”. He warns that “providing ‘your financials’ becomes the first order of business in a divorce proceeding and advises the reader to try to “settle your case through wholly private mediation”.

BALDWIN devotes an entire chapter to “parental alienation syndrome” -- a term that was created in 1985 by Richard Gardner, M.D., a Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry at Columbia *University. This chapter points out the psychological devastation which divorce causes not only for Divorced Fathers, but for their children as well. Dr. Gardner introduced the term “parental alienation syndrome” in an article entitled, “Recent Trends In Divorce And Custody Litigation”. So, what is parental alienation syndrome? It is identified as a “psychological disturbance in which children are obsessed with deprecation and criticism of a parent – denigration that is unjustified and/or exaggerated”. A Promise To Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood And Divorce lays out the symptoms of parental alienation syndrome and how and why it adversely affects a child’s behavior and a child’s relationship with the estranged parent and the estranged parent’s family and friends. Baldwin provides the reader with a “straight-no-chaser-take-no-prisoners” look at America’s family law system, the plight of Divorced Fathers, how children become pawns in divorce actions, and the devastatingly long-lasting psychological effects that “knock-down-drag-out” child custody court battles have on children and the estranged parent. And in the same breath, Baldwin offers the following suggestions – all of which are based on his divorce and child custody proceedings -- regarding “divorce decision making”:

1. Get a prenuptial agreement.

2. Be the first to file a divorce complaint.

3. Do not hire your lawyer based on word of mouth

4. Have your attorney explain in detail what lies ahead.

5. Mediate only if your spouse is mediation material.

6. Construct a time line for your mediation.

7. Demand in mediation (or petition for in court) that you and your ex attend a minimum of twelve sessions of divorce co-parenting counseling if you believe that alienation is a factor in your case.

8. Do not hide assets.

9. Set up a few sessions with a therapist who works in family law.

10. Find a therapist that you can trust who will guide you through the changes and decisions that you will encounter.

11. Do not make your home a shrine to your child.

12. Put your and/or your ex’s drug and alcohol issues on the table.

13. Ask for Orders, in court or in mediation, that provide for some flexibility on schedule, particularly in terms of your work and career.


A Promise To Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood And Divorce is a dynamic, powerful and instructive literary work which is recommended reading for business leaders, journalists, religious leaders, legal professionals, psychologists, family and marriage therapists, life coaches, social services professionals and providers, health care professionals and providers, educators, legislators, Fathers, Fatherhood Practitioners, and Fathers’ Rights Advocates.




4 comments:

amanwhocares said...

Thank you for this review. Enough cannot be said about PAS and its epidemic proportion in society today. We are eating our children and the court facilitate it.

Then there ar powerful naysayers whose narrow focus is on gender attributions and negations of the credibility of PAS. One day they weill realize their vociferous repudiation of this disease is but a reflection of disease in themselves.
Robert Gartner
Houston, Texas

stoogiemu said...

I am the targeted parent in my case and have lost my son to a system that will not accept that a child can be brainwashed to become non-receptive to a parent. A ploy for the alienating parent is to keep the targeted parent in poverty so they cannot afford to fight back unless they do so pro se. Pro se litigants get absolutely no respect from the courts. Amen Alec. I stand with you. This is not gender specific.

PAUL said...

Baldwin has done a remarkable job of describing the horrors of our divorce courts. Although his story is familar to tens of thousands of fathers across the country and around the world, the difference is that Baldwin is rich and famous, and will be listened to.
His book will draw a lot of attention to the abuses of fathers in our family court, and exposure to the public is good news.

Alienated mom said...

I would like to say that I am the target parent in a case of parental alienation. I am also a mother. Parental alienation transcends the gender issues as well.

I read Mr. Baldwin's book and also have an entry on my blog about his book. I do commend him for his public view on parental alienation as well.

One day this abuse of children by a vindictive ex spouses will be recognized for what it is....abuse!

Parental alienation is abuse! Stop the abuse.

Alienated Mom
http://parentalalienation.blogspot.com/