22 June, 2007


The face of Father’s Day for incarcerated fathers has been a day that has been faceless, as our incarceration has separated us from our children. There is really no cause for celebration, as we fathers seem to be living to the beat of a different drummer. We have caused so much pain and agony that we have laid a path of confusion and hurt which has been misunderstood as a sign of betrayal.

It pains me when I look around and see the number of fathers who are away from their children. We as a whole are missing portions of their lives, which we will never be able to relive. Their lives go on without us as we’re not father figures but figures of a father silhouetted in a shadowy existence.

In the past some of us have been called “deadbeat dads” amongst other names but we’re not a defeated lot. The time has come to take the reins of responsibility and become role models and not models who “roll out”.

We should start using Father’s day as a day of reflection, looking in the mirror and seeing the tears in our children’s eyes. Tears longing to see the faces of their fathers, not a picture painted by someone else. When will we begin to start restructuring our lives with more than words of broken promises?

As I look around the fathers have no faces as the pain of our situation echoes in a steely reality. The faces are all the same with no definition of color on a day in which most of us aren’t living the examples of some of our own fathers. Mothers are now fathers facing an unknown future as we have single-handedly blurred our children’s perception of fatherhood. They deserve better but for some we will never see or realize the emotional damage we have caused.

It’s a double- edged sword of disappointment as at times I wonder how we could ever show our faces because at some point we all knew better. Our situation is a selfish one and we have to realize that there is more to life than just self especially since it’s just “US” here.

We have created a prison for our children as they’re sentenced to days and years of not knowing their fathers while phone calls and letters aren’t enough to ebb the pain of understanding why Daddy isn’t home and why mommy is calling him anything but Daddy!

There are many positives that can arise from our situation we can become inspirational and influential individuals for our children and families, however the steps won’t be easy. We can start by thinking and living the fact that everyday is “Father’s Day”, being a father isn’t a part-time occupation, it is full-time dedication to the ones we love and who love us. Once this takes place a positive picture will begin to form and all the “Wanted” posters will be for the love of our children and the “Reward” will be a lifetime of happiness and interactions, which will be priceless.

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1 comment:

Diva Joan Cartwright said...

In light of the crime committed in West Palm Beach, Florida, wherein 10 youths, ages 14 to 16, raped and tortured a Haitian womand and beat her 10-year-old son, pouring cleaning products over his head, blinding him and forcing his mother to perform oral sex on him, this blog has become even more important.

The absence of fathers in at least 10 homes has result in this heinous activity. What other atrocities are being carried out in the world simply because a misguided boy is missing the attention and guidance of his father? Of course, the realization is that fathers were missing in the homes of many of the men who are incarcerated today.

I salute the creator of this blog and I have shared it with my friends who I believe are concerned about this issue.

May you continue this dialogue and perhaps publish a book with the results of your communication on this subject.

In the meantime, here's a link to a page I built on my site about being a single grandmother that may be of interest to you and your readers:

Single Grandmothers

Love and Light,
Diva JC
I Am Mighty Woman


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